abetterlie: (Default)
Not Mandy, that's for sure. Though singing that one as "Jasmine" is still one of the best memories I have of that year. Before I died and got mindwiped - anyway, before - when I still had just one set of memories, I'd have gone with Numb by Linkin Park. It pretty much describes how I felt - before - and yeah, it's addressing Angel in my head. Back then, it was all about him. Still is, sort of, only in a different way. If it wasn't about Cordy or Jasmine.

When I was just Connor Riley and didn't remember all the madman stuff, and then got my memories back, and the time immediately after? Mad World, the Gary Jules version. Everything was normal and wasn't, and I was still trying to figure things out. Mostly how to be new Connor and old Connor and Stephen all at the same time.

Now? This is so going to make people gag, well, the first part of it anyway, but I think it's a cross between Bring me to life by Evanescence and Devils & Dust by Bruce Springsteen. No, I'm not going to elaborate on that. It just is.

Mun's note: never mind him. Mun's firmly convinced Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson is the Connor theme song, but that wasn't the question.*g*
abetterlie: (Default)
It's a strange thing, trust. If you start to lie to people, which he did very soon after arriving in Los Angeles, you soon expect everyone to lie to you as well. His first lie - the first lie he ever told - had been said to Daniel Holtz, regarding his encounter with Angel, and had been said out of a sense of guilt, for not having been able to kill Angel outright. His father had seen through him and forgiven him. In retrospect, Connor would call it a harmless lie, except that he came to believe much later that it was what ultimately made Holtz decide to die in order to ensure Stephen would not stray from his path again.

So when Connor returns to the place he shares with Holtz and Justine this time, he does not say anything about what happened between him, Angel, Darla and Justine. If Justine wants to mention it, she is free to. But Connor has no words anymore; he feels as if they had been all carved out of him. The hollowness isn't quite the same as it had been after Jasmine's death; but there is a sense of it.

When he makes a late dinner, his father touches him on the shoulder, briefly. It's a rare gesture, and there is a strange comfort in it because of it. Connor still doesn't speak. After dinner, he goes out again, though it is nearly midnight by now, armed with an axe and a couple of stakes. He goes straight to the vampire night club where they drugged Justine and himself a few weeks ago. They recognize him there, but not soon enough. He kills every single vampire in the club. No drugged confusion this time, or showings off, come to that. Just very efficient execution. There is no hatred for the vampires in him, probably a first. But he had been told that this was his city to protect now. And it seems the only way to protect people he's actually good at is to destroy.

That was what they used to call him in Quortoth. The Destroyer.

He just thought, for a while, he could be someone else.

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abetterlie

July 2010

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