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abetterlieDefine "strong". I guess it's true in one sense, the way my father used to believe it. You've got to learn fast in a hell dimension, or you die, when you're lucky, or you're kept alive for some time as something's food supply or toy. There's no time to coddle a child or fool around or anything like that. If he had raised me that way, well, he wouldn't have raised me at all. There wouldn't be even bones left.
So he did what he had to. You don't make a child understand just by saying "don't". And if you're surrounded by monsters, you have to make it clear you're every bit as tough as they are.
The thing is, this completely worked in the sense that I made it out of Quortoth alive, and that I'm good at fighting till this day. But I don't know about strong. I mean, let's face it, strong people don't go to pieces and go crazy and try to kill themselves and blow malls with people up while they're at it. Strong people find a way to keep their child alive somehow. Angel did it for me, and I couldn't do it for Jasmine, I couldn't find a way to help her with the pain she was in except to kill her.Strong people don't have violence as their drug of choice, full stop.
So no. It didn't make me strong in that sense. Perhaps it was the basic material, but sometimes it just makes you completely fucked up.
But on the other hand, the next time I lost family and was in a pretty bad place, I didn't go for a repeat performance. Which was partly because by then, I had memories of making my parents believe I still believed in the Easter Bunny so they'd keep on hiding chocolate eggs at Easter, of learning to swim in an ocean that nobody ever dumped anyone into, and of getting into a shell collecting competition with Mere. I don't care whether they're fake, they're real to me. And partly because I had got it into my thick head by then there were still other people around who needed me. And whom I needed. So if that means I had gotten a bit stronger, it wasn't because of stuff that almost killed me. It was because of having had the chance to be weak.
So he did what he had to. You don't make a child understand just by saying "don't". And if you're surrounded by monsters, you have to make it clear you're every bit as tough as they are.
The thing is, this completely worked in the sense that I made it out of Quortoth alive, and that I'm good at fighting till this day. But I don't know about strong. I mean, let's face it, strong people don't go to pieces and go crazy and try to kill themselves and blow malls with people up while they're at it. Strong people find a way to keep their child alive somehow. Angel did it for me, and I couldn't do it for Jasmine, I couldn't find a way to help her with the pain she was in except to kill her.
So no. It didn't make me strong in that sense. Perhaps it was the basic material, but sometimes it just makes you completely fucked up.
But on the other hand, the next time I lost family and was in a pretty bad place, I didn't go for a repeat performance. Which was partly because by then, I had memories of making my parents believe I still believed in the Easter Bunny so they'd keep on hiding chocolate eggs at Easter, of learning to swim in an ocean that nobody ever dumped anyone into, and of getting into a shell collecting competition with Mere. I don't care whether they're fake, they're real to me. And partly because I had got it into my thick head by then there were still other people around who needed me. And whom I needed. So if that means I had gotten a bit stronger, it wasn't because of stuff that almost killed me. It was because of having had the chance to be weak.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-22 03:47 am (UTC)Kansas?
... I wonder if he stopped by to see Lex.
Personally I think the not being Harry Osborn is dumb. He'll always be Harry Osborn. A Harry Osborn by any other name still totally smells of Armani. Because you can take the boy out of Armani but -
Anyhoo. You totally sound better. Good to hear!
no subject
Date: 2006-07-22 04:19 am (UTC)*locked*
Don't tell him I said so, but I'm with you. Though I guess it's about him being with people who don't know him for a while. Or just being on his own. I thought about what you said about me underestimating him and playing the hero and stuff, and maybe that's part of what he needed to get a break from. I don't know.
He writes he lost the Armani. I hope he brings back some photos to prove it.
But I guess he makes whatever he wears look like Armanin anyway.*unlocked*
I'm better. Still trying to figure out stuff, but in a moderately brooding sort of way, complete with occasional bad joke. Also, I helped someone move. Carrying duffels and boxes is great when you're depressed. Kids are scary, though, in the plural. I don't remember that at all from school. Must be a real life thing.
What about you? If you're free on Sunday, maybe we could do something in Boston. I've done all school stuff, and it's Peter's turn for Sunday otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-22 04:32 am (UTC)Mr. Luthor turned up? What did he have to say for himself? I don't think he liked me. :-( Which was totally WEIRD coz dad's usually LOVE me. It's mothers that get all with the panic!
Yay!: To better. Who did you help move? And, um, what's this about kids? You're not going all Angelina are you? And adopting some spasticated cambodian baby or whatever? Because while you might think nothing says WELCOME HOME, HARRYKINS - PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN like some stupid kid? I think that would be wrong. And totally Lestat of you. And turning HArry into your Louis? Gross. GROSS AND WRONG.
Coz, you know, it all ends badly with Claudia! You should learn from the mistakes of fictional characters since you're inable (unable???) to learn from your OWN.
NO OFFENCE.
Boston sounds like a PLAN. I am working from 7am till 1pm. Meet me there.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-22 04:52 am (UTC)What do you mean, mothers don't like you? Whose mothers? That weirdo guy in Vegas?
The kids were the ones in the school Harry does readings for. The headmaster asked me to fill in, and if you must know, I got pawned. And just for the record, I'm not planning on getting poisoned, burned and dumped in the swamp. Meaning no, no kid.
Did Angel tell you I read Anne Rice? Because I can explain that. It was totally because of Cyvus Vail. I'm working on a theory where she's a client of Wolfram and Hart's and he included the urge to read her novels in his mindwipe spells.
Okay, 1 pm it is.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-22 01:18 pm (UTC)Well, I don't know what to make of it, coz I wasn't there to SEE HOW HE SAID IT. So you need to INTERPRET IT FOR ME, MORON.
Geez.
And I didn't MEAN anything significant by it. It's just in MY EXPERIENCE mothers aren't so ENAMOURED with me. Like the woman next door hates me but her husband is TOTALLY NICE.
No one has ever mentioned your reading habits to me. I know you think we all sit around discussing the wonder that is CONNOR all the time, but we save that for Thursday nights and quiet Tuesdays. EVERYONE HAS READ ANNE RICE. Whateva. You're SUCH A SNOB! I mean, Interview was a totally great book! But you're all embaressed and making excuses for having read it! SNOB!
1pm!