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Romantic type and expectations
Jul. 5th, 2005 03:57 pmProtocol of a phone conversation between one Connor Riley, aka Connor Angel, aka Stephen Holtz, age 20, and one Mere Riley, no alias, age 16:
"....so what was that shit you pulled with Mom and Dad all about? Mom said you were on drugs and shouting about not being their son. And all because they said it's no big deal if you're gay."
"Look, it's complicated. Anyway, basically I freaked out because they had some detectives going after me. I mean, what the hell? I kept in touch. It's not like I dropped of the face of the earth."
"So you're not?"
"I'm not what?"
"Gay."
"Don't you start."
"I mean, I didn't think you were, not that there is anything wrong with it, I'd be totally cool with having a gay brother. It would be less weird than your thing for older women."
"Damn it, Mere, Tracy was just a year older than me, and anyway, last time I checked, you were mooning about some guy called Devon who is at least ten years older than you."
"Girls are more mature, and I'm totally over him. Also, I'm not talking about Tracy. Mom showed me the photo of that woman you hang out with. Mom thinks she's some kind of heroin addict and that you're totally paying her all that money they wire you so people think you're not gay, but I told her that can't be true."
"Gee, thanks."
"Because she weighs way too much for a druggie. She looks like a butch lesbian straight out of prison."
"Mere..."
"Okay, okay, I'm just wondering. Is that your type? Pushing thirty and muscles? I bet she doesn't even shave her legs."
"Not that it's any of your business, but she has better things to do than shaving her legs. She went through a lot of crap and never gave up, she's a fighter, and she's doing something with her life when other people look away and paint doodles around the names of their stupid boybands, and yes, I happen to think she's hot."
"Oasis is so not a stupid boyband, and okay, so butch women who could kick your ass and are way too old for you are your type, fine. So why didn't you bring Wonder Woman along to meet Mom and Dad? They wouldn't have given you the son-we-understand-talk then."
"It's... she's not... there is someone... it's complicated right now."
"Oh, let me guess. Someone else in the picture. On your side or on hers?"
"That's none of your business, Mere."
"Sure it is. You're my brother. Or are you going to tell me I got brainwashed too, like you did Mom and Dad? Connor? Hey?"
"Can we talk about something else?"
"We were talking about something else. Namely, what kind of girl you fall for, because I think I'm figuring out a pattern here. I'm so taking Psych 101 next term, I'm getting real good at this."
"There is no class called Psych 101."
"If that's a distraction, it doesn't work, bro. So, let's see: older than you, butch... okay, okay, athletic, with some trauma background, and there has to be some other guy in the picture. Because you totally fell for Miss What's-her-Name who was teaching English after her breakup plus suicide attempt, and then there was Tracy who was hanging out with Brad half of the time as well."
"What if I told you that none of this really happened, except for Tracy breaking up with me? Would that stop you from going all Sigmund Freud on me?"
"Freud? Who said anything about Freud? I mean, you have lousy taste in women, but at least you're not going for any of Dad's former girlfriends from before he met Mom. Right? Connor?... Wow. He actually hang up on me. Men are so touchy. Also? Gay."
"....so what was that shit you pulled with Mom and Dad all about? Mom said you were on drugs and shouting about not being their son. And all because they said it's no big deal if you're gay."
"Look, it's complicated. Anyway, basically I freaked out because they had some detectives going after me. I mean, what the hell? I kept in touch. It's not like I dropped of the face of the earth."
"So you're not?"
"I'm not what?"
"Gay."
"Don't you start."
"I mean, I didn't think you were, not that there is anything wrong with it, I'd be totally cool with having a gay brother. It would be less weird than your thing for older women."
"Damn it, Mere, Tracy was just a year older than me, and anyway, last time I checked, you were mooning about some guy called Devon who is at least ten years older than you."
"Girls are more mature, and I'm totally over him. Also, I'm not talking about Tracy. Mom showed me the photo of that woman you hang out with. Mom thinks she's some kind of heroin addict and that you're totally paying her all that money they wire you so people think you're not gay, but I told her that can't be true."
"Gee, thanks."
"Because she weighs way too much for a druggie. She looks like a butch lesbian straight out of prison."
"Mere..."
"Okay, okay, I'm just wondering. Is that your type? Pushing thirty and muscles? I bet she doesn't even shave her legs."
"Not that it's any of your business, but she has better things to do than shaving her legs. She went through a lot of crap and never gave up, she's a fighter, and she's doing something with her life when other people look away and paint doodles around the names of their stupid boybands, and yes, I happen to think she's hot."
"Oasis is so not a stupid boyband, and okay, so butch women who could kick your ass and are way too old for you are your type, fine. So why didn't you bring Wonder Woman along to meet Mom and Dad? They wouldn't have given you the son-we-understand-talk then."
"It's... she's not... there is someone... it's complicated right now."
"Oh, let me guess. Someone else in the picture. On your side or on hers?"
"That's none of your business, Mere."
"Sure it is. You're my brother. Or are you going to tell me I got brainwashed too, like you did Mom and Dad? Connor? Hey?"
"Can we talk about something else?"
"We were talking about something else. Namely, what kind of girl you fall for, because I think I'm figuring out a pattern here. I'm so taking Psych 101 next term, I'm getting real good at this."
"There is no class called Psych 101."
"If that's a distraction, it doesn't work, bro. So, let's see: older than you, butch... okay, okay, athletic, with some trauma background, and there has to be some other guy in the picture. Because you totally fell for Miss What's-her-Name who was teaching English after her breakup plus suicide attempt, and then there was Tracy who was hanging out with Brad half of the time as well."
"What if I told you that none of this really happened, except for Tracy breaking up with me? Would that stop you from going all Sigmund Freud on me?"
"Freud? Who said anything about Freud? I mean, you have lousy taste in women, but at least you're not going for any of Dad's former girlfriends from before he met Mom. Right? Connor?... Wow. He actually hang up on me. Men are so touchy. Also? Gay."
